god – august 06 2015

The sun rises in the east in this world.
It throws Adam off.
His bones are used to a home where the sun does not set at all.
The bed is empty in the east.
This throws Adam off.
He is used to a home where his bed is always full.
Eve has left.

The baby cries and Adam misjudges this as a wail for all of sin,
for Eve’s wrongdoing,
for the problems she caused when the snake whispered what she already knew,
for the heartache and grief she inflicted when she told Adam she was made for something bigger,
that if he loved her he’d eat the damn apple,
that if he loved her he’d help her find a world she was made for,
that if he knew what was good for himself, he’d unlock the gate and free them from their enclosed paradise.
The baby cries and Adam is confused.
If God was all knowing, how come he did not relinquish to them everything they would need to know?
How come he no longer speaks to them?
How come they now walk in a world where the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,
and the babies cry
and the beds are empty
and his wife no longer looks at him and sees God in his irises but defies him, defeats him,
looks at him and asks for more,
asks him to swallow another apple,
asks him to help her open another gate,
asks him to ignore God.

Adam’s day begins,
he asks God for forgiveness.

Eve is at work.
She is not convinced this is the more she was searching for.
She is not convinced God knew what she meant when she ate the apple.
She is not convinced God knew she had to coerce Adam into helping her.
She did not like that she was punished again.
She thought escaping God’s garden would free her of his wrath.
She did not understand how she could free the human race, how she could have the courage to defy the only God she ever knew, how she could be so sure that her small heart was made for a world that held more than fruit trees and speaking snakes and still not find it.
In her breaks, she sits in the bathroom stall and reads the graffiti.
She questions if she likes God. She remembers Adam’s preaching over dinner, his prayer before she eats. She knows she is to love him, perhaps more so now she defied him but she questions how this can be fair. How he could not have given her the freedom she craved. She does not understand how he can be all-knowing but ignore the thumping heart that aches for more, for a world where she does not have to listen to a man all day at work and then listen to her husband when she gets home.
She is not convinced this God is the one she needs.

When she gets home, Adam is snappy.
He has looked after the child all day.
The child has cried all day.
He says the baby knows what she did.
Eve tells him, ‘Good. Perhaps he’ll know what I want.’
Adam asks what she means.
She shrugs and goes to shower.
Adam watches his wife’s back.
He does not understand what she wants. He ate the apple. God freed them. She is the one working, seeing the world, being the world. He does not understand what more she is looking for.

Underneath the searing water, Eve cries.
She asks to speak to God on the phone.
His line is busy.
His secretary speaks in that tone that means he just doesn’t want to speak to her.
She wants to ask him if he knew what she meant when she chose sin.
She wants to ask him if he knows what she wants.
She wants to ask him if he can help her stop everyone hating her. If he could get everyone to listen to her.
She wants to explain that no God has the right to create life and limit it.
She wants to explain to him that he does not own her, she owes him nothing.
She wants to explain that he should have left them without consciousness if he wanted them to stay in the Garden.
She wants to explain so much, yet she is limited with her outlets.
Her boss looks at her chest when she speaks, her co worker makes jokes about sex all day.
Her mother in law says she is not a decent women for not staying home with her child,
her own mother does not understand what more she could want when she has an Adam who will eat all the apples under the sun for her.
Her mother does not understand that eating the apple is not enough,
she needs him to swallow the seeds.
She wants to explain to this God that if this life is a test,
she can guess who gets the bigger reward.

When she gets out of the shower, the phone rings.
Adam gets it, the baby in his arms.
He tells her it’s for her. He tells her it’s God.
She picks up the line.
God tells her straight. He tells her that this is the world she was looking for, this is her more. That He understands why she defied him and He has forgiven her, He has bigger fish to fry.
She asks why then, if this is the more, if this is forgiveness, why there are women suffering, children suffering, why nothing seems to make sense, why her husband does not understand.
He tells her this is the world she was looking for, this is her more.
She hangs up in anger.
She wants the sky to thunder with her.
She sits on the edge of the bed, in her towel and thinks about it again.
She ate the apple to free herself of God, yet He has her still.
She moved the playing fields,
she is now in a larger Garden.
There are no snake’s offering her help anymore,
just Forbidden Trees that people keep locking her out of.
She gets changed and goes down to dinner.

At the table, Adam praises God. He thanks him for his all-knowing ability, for the punishment and praise he gives them.
Eve does not ask what punishment Adam has. She does not ask how God is limiting him.
She keeps quiet.
She touches her baby’s cheek. She kisses the forehead.
Adam finishes praying. He knows he has figured out how to give her more.
He has served her apples.
She looks at him, and he smiles.
‘I will be here for you through everything.’
She looks at him blank.
She wants to flip the table and scream.
She grabs her fork and stabs an apple, bites into it.
She smiles. Chews.
‘Thank you, sweetie.’
Adam thinks he has solved it, he has helped his wife, he has given her her more, every woman is stronger through her man.
Eve swallows apples seething.
She will never find her more.
God set up his game biased before it even began. He created Adam first. He created Adam so that no matter the playing field, he will always win.
He made woman his accessory. No apple can free her of those chains.

The sun sets in the west in this world.
The baby is asleep.
Adam makes love to his wife.
Eve wonders if there is a world where the sun has not yet risen for the first time,
and a God will make a woman first,
and the gate will already be unlocked.
She wonders if God deserves his power,
she wonders how Satan must seethe in his Hell,
she wonders if she will meet him one day,
she wonders if in his world, the sun has never risen,
she wonders if he’d create woman first,
she wonders if his gates ever lock.


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